Script Courtesy of Matthew
Yates <ryates@cwnet.com>
Webmaster's Note: Some lyrics previously omitted from the text have
been added.
PROLOGUE
Onstage is a small, white, curtained gazebo. The backdrop shows a
typical American park. There is a bright fanfare and the curtains
open
to reveal an eagle, Sam, holding an arrow. He has a red, white and
blue
striped and starred shield on his chest. Beside him is an owl w/ a
tricornered hat who for some reason I want to call Ollie, but I
don't
know if he had an actual name. We hear a few bars of "Yankee Doodle"
and
Sam begins to sing along.
SAM: Yankee Doodle went to town
Riding on a pony
Stuck a feather in his hat and called it macaroni.
Yankee Doodle keep it up.
Yankee Doodle dandy.
Mind the music and the step
And with the girls be handy.
(music finishes; Sam chuckles)
"Yankee Doodle." (music continues as underscore) Yes, folks, that
was
America's first popular song. And that's what this show is all
about:
America's music.
OLLIE: Where'd the songs come from, Sam?
SAM: Why, they were the songs people brought from their native
countries.
OLLIE: They did? What kind of music was it?
SAM: Sometimes it was happy, (bright riff) sometimes it was sad.
(somber
passage) And sometimes it just spoke of love, like (sings)
I dream of Jeannie with the light brown hair.
OLLIE: Ooh, very nice. But frankly, I prefer...
All around the cobbler's bench
The monkey chased the weasel
The monkey thought 'twas all in fun...
(Blackout. A single spot comes up on a tiny "house" at the top of
the
gazebo. A smiling weasel pops out.)
WEASEL: (Pop! sound) Goes the weasel! (He laughs mischievously, pops
back in and the doors slam shut. Lights back up on Sam and Ollie,
who
laugh.)
SAM: And now, let's travel on through history and hear America sing!
OLLIE: Sing it, Sam!
(Now comes the grooviest effect in the show. The lights black out
and a
hidden mirror ball comes on. In all my years, I could never figure
out
where the ball was. The audience seating bank begins to rotate.)
SAM: Yankee Doodle traveled south,
A-riding on a riverboat
Played a tune and sang it out
It sounded like a Billy goat
Yankee Doodle like the South
And sang their songs so dear
Thought they were most elegant for everyone to hear.
(curtains
close on gazebo)
SAM, OLLIE: Yankee Doodle sing it up
Yankee Doodle dandy
Mind the music and the words
And with the songs be handy.
(Another chorus of "Yankee Doodle" plays in a Dixieland
arrangement.)
ACT I
GOING SOUTH (All act titles taken from the LP book.)
(The mirror ball turns off and the lights come up. We are in a
southern
bayou. At the left side of the stage is a group of frogs. A grove of
trees opens, revealing 4 geese.)
GEESE: Oh, I wish I was in the land of cotton
Old times there are not forgotten
Look away, look away, look away
Dixieland.
1 Goose: I got a gal and you got none.
GEESE: Little 'Liza Jane
Another goose: I gotta go and you gotta run.
GEESE: Little 'Liza Jane
GEESE: Camp town races sing this song
HIGH TENOR GOOSE: Doo-dah.
BASS GOOSE: Doo-dah.
GEESE: Camp town racetrack five miles long o' doo-dah days.
(The trees close and lights down on geese. Lights up on the porch of
an
old plantation house swinging into view on the right. An old
bloodhound
is relaxing in a rocking chair smoking a pipe.)
CHORUS: (not onstage) The sun shines bright on my old Kentucky home.
'Tis summer, the old folks are gay. (I didn't write
it!)
DOG (Col. Houndstoothe): (spoken) It's the good life.
CHORUS: The corn tips ripe (Several ears of corn pop open.)
And the meadows in the bloom. (A
patch of flowers comes up.)
And the birds make music all the day.
(Blackout. Spot up on the
Col.'s weather vane, which depicts a bird. The vane turns as we hear
a
bird sing. A grove of trees opens to the right of the Col, and we
see
Sam and Ollie on a donkey.)
SAM: Now, the Swamp Boys.
(Lights up on a group of 4 alligators playing instruments and a
raccoon
on harmonica. The frogs croak in rhythm.)
SWAMP BOYS: Oh, I went down south
For to see my Sal
Singing polly wolly doodle all the day
My Sally is a spunky gal
Singing polly wolly doodle all the day
Fare thee well
Fare thee well
Fare thee well my fairy fay
I'm off to Louisiana for to see my Suzy-anna
Singing polly wolly doodle all the day.
SAM: (chuckles) And now, a tender complaint.
OLLIE: Sung from the heart.
(Lights up on a mother possum bathing her brood in a washtub. She is
using a washboard and hanging them out to dry by their tails.)
MOTHER: When I was single
Dressed all so fine
Now I am married, go ragged all the
time.
Lord, I wish I was a single girl
again.
FROGS: Aaaaaaaw.
(Bubbling sounds. Lights up on a fox in a rocking chair w/ a
distiller
nearby.)
FOX: Down in the valley,
The valley so low (distiller bubbles)
Late in the evening
Hear the train blow. (train whistle)
Write me a letter
Send it by mail
Send it in care of
The Birmingham Jail (A jail backdrop comes up behind
him. Suddenly
the weasel pops out of the distiller.)
WEASEL: (pop sound)...goes the weasel! Hee, hee!
(Lights up on a chorus of foxes and hens, about 12 in all, filling
the
stage.)
1 HEN: Well, I'm gonna lay down my burden.
ALL: Down!
HEN: Down by the riverside.
ALL: Down!
HEN: Down by the riverside...
ALL: Down!
HEN: Down by the riverside
Gonna lay down my burden.
ALL: Down!
HEN: Down by the riverside, and
ALL: Study war no more. No, no!
HEN: Ain't gonna study
ALL: War no more.
HEN: Ooooooh, study.
ALL: War no more.
HEN: Ain't gonna study.
ALL: War no more.
HEN: Oooooh, study.
ALL: War no more.
Ain't gonna study war no more, no more.
No more, no more!
FROGS: Bum, bum.
SAM: And now, let's journey on. (tugs donkey's reins) Tug away!
OLLIE: Giddyap, you all! (Theater begins to turn.)
SAM: Well, Yankee Doodle headed west
A-working on the railroad
Crossing them rivers, over hills
And moving w/ a big load
Onward west the trains rolled
Where cattle were a-grazin'
The tales and songs that people sang
Were really quite amazin'
(Blackout. Mirror ball on.)
CHORUS: Yankee doodle, sing it up.
Yankee doodle dandy
Mind the music and the words
And w/ the songs be handy.
("Yankee Doodle" plays in a country arrangement.)
ACT II
HEADING WEST
(Lights up and mirror ball off. We are in a desert somewhere out
west.
There are tall buttes on either side of the stage. Near the left
side of
the stage stands a long-dead tree w/ a cow skull at its base.
Sitting on
what's left of the tree are two evil-looking vultures in top hats.
NOTE:
In case you're wondering, yes, these are the same vultures who taunt
Splash Mountain guests about "lookin' fer a laughin' place." They
wore
their hats in Splash for a year or so. Early Splash merch shows them
in
the hats.
The 4 geese are in the same place as before, only now they are in an
old, run-down saloon.)
GEESE: Drill, ye tarriers, drill
Drill, ye tarriers, drill
Oh, it's work all day with no sugar in your
tay (tea)
When you meet me on the ****** Way
And drill, ye tarriers, drill.
(A handcart being operated by a fox and a rabbit emerges from behind
the
butte on the left, travels across the stage during the next song and
disappears behind the butte on the right.)
I've been workin' on the railroad
All the live long day.
I've been workin' on the railroad
To pass the time away.
(Music picks up. The handcart comes back out on the right and
proceeds
back across the stage twice as fast.)
Here she comes,
Look at 'er roll
There she goes
Keep it cool
Watch 'er fly
Look at 'er sail
Let 'er by, by, by
The Fireball Mail
(Handcart crashes offstage. There is an explosion effect like the
one in
the Mr. Toad and Roger Rabbit rides. A Goofy-like scream is also
heard.
The saloon twirls around, hiding the geese. Lights up on Sam and
Ollie,
in an old wagon stuck in quicksand.)
SAM: My, my, my. Ahem. And now, Saddle Sore Swanson!
OLLIE: Who? (remember, he's an owl ;) )
(Lights up on Saddle Sore, a turkey buzzard wearing spurs and
10-gallon
hat and strumming a guitar.)
SADDLESORE: Yee-hah!
Well, come along boys and listen to my tale
And I'll tell y'all my troubles on the Old
Chisholm Trail
Come-a-ty-yi, yippi-yippi-ay
Come-a-ty-yi, yippi-yippi-ay
Well, I went to the boss to draw my roll,
and--(music breaks)
(spoken) He had me figured nine dollars in the hole.
(as his platform descends and the spot goes out) Ay-yi-yi-yi...
(Another platform begins to ascend on the opposite side of the
stage.
Gunshot. Lights up on an old dog, a terrier, dressed as a
prospector. He
rides a donkey carrying barrels marked "EXPLOSIVES." His 10-gallon
hat
has a bullet hole through the center.)
MINER: Who shot that hole in my sombrero?
Who put that bullet through my hy-at?
Who shot that hole in my sombrero?
Who would do a turrible thang like thy-at?
I cain't figger
Who'd pull that trigger.
(spoken) You don't reckin mah *wife* could be back in ty-own? (music
finishes and our friend the weasel emerges from the barrel of
blasting
powder.)
WEASEL: (pop sound)...goes the weasel. Hee, hee.
SAM: The tail end of Billy the Kid.
OLLIE: Sung by the Boothill Boys.
(These are the two vultures who have been eyeing us menacingly all
this
time. They don't actually sing the song, just talk it.)
VULTURE 1: (sounding remarkably like the hangman in "Blazing
Saddles") Billy was a bad
guy, and carried a big gun.
VULTURE 2: (sounding like Peter Lorre crossed w/ Paul Lynde) He was
always after lawmen, and kept them on the run. (evil chuckle)
(funereal music)
VULTURE 1: One day he met a bandit.
VULTURE 2: Who was a whole lot badder.
BOTH: Now Billy's dead and gone
And we ain't none the sadder. (more evil
chuckles; musical finish)
(Lights up behind the backdrop which we now discover to be a scrim
curtain. Another terrier prospector is strumming a guitar on top of
a
small butte. As "Tex Ranger" sings this little-known verse of "Home
on
the Range," other creatures--a rattlesnake, a roadrunner, 2 prairie
dogs, a desert tortoise, and an owl, most of them in hats--rise from
below to listen.)
TEX: Oh, give me a land
Where the bright diamond sand
Flows leisurely down the stream
Where the graceful white swan
Goes glidin' along
Like a maid in a heavenly dream.
Home, home on the range. (coyote howls off in the
distance)
Where the deer and the antelope play
Where seldom is heard a discouraging word
And the skies are not cloudly all day.
(Scrim solidifies. Lights up on Sam and Ollie. Theater starts to
move.)
SAM: The Gay 90's were upon us now
The country was in full swing
People headin' for the cities
Had to do their own thing
Each time the people sang a song
The tunesmiths wrote another
'Bout love, marriage, moon in June
And always one about Mother.
(Blackout. Mirror ball on.)
SAM, OLLIE: Yankee Doodle, sing it up
Oh, Yankee Doodle dandy
Mind the music and the words
And w/ the songs be handy.
("Yankee Doodle" plays in a soft-shoe arrangement.)
ACT III
THE GAY 90'S
(Lights up and mirror ball off. We are in an elaborate ballroom
straight
out of the gay 90's. There are gaslights, "gingerbread"
architecture,
and two velvet-curtained stages, one at each side. The left stage
opens
up to reveal the now-familiar geese.)
A SOLO GOOSE: She may be somebody's mother
Come, let her go her way.
GEESE: The Bowery, the Bowery
They sing strange things and they do
strange things
After the ball is over
After the break of morn.
SOLO: Where is my wand'ring boy tonight?
Down in the licensed saloon.
(Curtains close. Lights up on a mother rabbit w/ her bunnies
standing in
front of a full length window. She is holding a candle.)
MA RABBIT: Learning new vices all the night long.
Tempted to all
that's sinful and wrong.
(An animated silhouette of her son, looking for all the world like
Bugs
Bunny, appears in the window.)
Lis'ning to the
siren's old song.
Down in the
licensed saloon.
(Lights up on a pig dressed in a showgirl outfit w/ a big plume and
holding a hanky. There is a potted plant next to her. Sam and Ollie
are
seated at a table nearby.)
PIG: Won't you come home, Bill Bailey?
Won't you c'mon home?
She moans the whole night long. Boo hoo hoo!
I'll do the cookin', darlin'
I'll pay the rent
I know I've done you wrong. Boo hoo hoo!
Remember that rainy evenin'
I threw you out
With nothin' but a fine tooth comb?
I know I'se to blame, well,
Ain't that a shame?
Bill Bailey, won't you please come home?
(spoken) C'mon home, Bill. (Weasel pops out of plant.)
WEASEL: (pop sound)...goes the weasel! (giggle)
SAM: And now, Blossom Nose Murphy.
(Both curtained boxes open. The one on the right shows a fifth
goose,
clinging to a bottle of cheap liquor. His nose has a distinct red
tinge
to it. A gruff terrier policeman holds him by the collar.)
MURPHY: (drunkenly) Sweeeeeet Aaaaaaaaduuuuuuhliiiiine.
GEESE: (echo) Sweet Adeline.
MURPHY: Mmmmmmmmy Aaaaaaduuuhliiiiiiiiiine.
GEESE: My Adeline.
MURPHY: Aaaaat niiiiiiiight, dear heaaaaaaaart.
GEESE: At night, dear heart.
MURPHY: Ffffffffffforrrrrrrr youuuuuuu I piiiiiiiine.
GEESE: For you I pine.
(Suddenly the song is interrupted by the sound of an auto horn.
Lights
up on the Ol' Gray Mare, in a period jalopy which seems to have a
mind
of its own. The trunk and hood open and slam in time w/ the music.)
MARE: (exclaims proudly) I'm the Old Gray Mare!
CHORUS: (sung) She ain't what she used to be, ain't what she used to
be,
ain't what she used to be.
MARE: (spoken) The Old Gray Mare!
CHORUS: (sung) She ain't what she used to be, many long years ago.
MARE: (chuckles) Don't you believe it, sonny!
(The trunk gives a final decisive slam. Part of the back wall opens
up
to allow an ornate birdcage to pass through. There is a champagne
bucket
attached to the cage.)
BIRD: She's only a bird in a gilded cage.
(Lights up on a fox at floor level.)
FOX: (in a fine Irish tenor) A beautiful sight to see.
BIRD: You may think she is happy and free from care.
FOX: She's not, though she seems to be.
BIRD: (yells) Ta ra ra BOOM de ay!
(It's very difficult to describe what happens now. Basically, the
entire
set opens up and turns into a vaudeville showroom. There are can can
chicks--literally--kicking, a pig waiter dancing while precariously
balancing a tray of glasses, most of the characters we have already
seen
in this act, and a true credit to WDI--storks riding velocipedes
along
the walls of the set! Everyone joins in.)
ALL: Ta ra (ta ra) ra boom de ay!
Ta ra (ta ra) ra boom de ay!
Ta ra ra boom de ay!
BIRD: Ta ra ra BOOM de ay!
ALL: Ta ra (ta ra) ra boom de ay!
Ta ra (ta ra) ra boom de ay!
Ta ra ra boom de ay!
Ta ra ra boom de ay, boom de ay,
Boom ta ra ra boom
Boom ta ra ra
Boom ta ra ra
BOOM DE AYYYYYYY!
WEASEL: Pop goes the weasel. Hiccup! (he actually said "hiccup")
(Theater starts to turn.)
SAM: Next came ragtime, blues and jazz
The nation was a-jumpin'!
Fox trots and the bunny hug had everyone a-stompin'
Then swing and big bands were the rage
The songs they were most pleasin'
Rock and roll soon took its toll
The dancers stopped a-squeezin'.
(Blackout. Mirror ball on.)
SAM, OLLIE: Yankee Doodle sing it up
Oh, Yankee
Doodle dandy
Mind the
music and the words
And w/ the
songs be handy.
("Yankee Doodle" plays in a rock arrangement.)
ACT IV
MODERN TIMES
(Lights up and mirror ball off. We are in a back alley of a large
city.
There are multistory apartment buildings all around. There is a cafe
nearby. A house twirls around at the left side of the stage and we
see
our friends the geese.)
GEESE: Ja da, ja da
Ja da ja da jing jing jing
Ja da, ja da
Ja da ja da jing jing jing
I'll be down to catch you in a taxi, honey
You better be ready round a half past eight
Now, dearie, don't be late
I wanna be there when the band starts
playin'
Singin' in the rain
Just singin' in the rain
What a glorious feelin'
I'm happy again
I'm laughin' at clouds
So dark up above
The sun's in my heart and I'm ready for
love
(A car horn beeps twice. A garage door opens and a model T pulls
out.
Two kittens, holding a college pennant, are riding w/ their dates,
who
are foxes. All are dressed in the "jitterbug" fashion.)
GROUP: A tisket, a tasket
A green and yellow basket
I sent a letter to my mommy
On the way I dropped it.
Boo hoo
You've got me cryin' for you
KITTENS: And as I sit here and sigh.
Say, I...
ALL: I can't believe it's true.
(The horn honks three times and the car backs into the garage.
Lights up
on the cafe. A pig is out in front playing jazz piano. He actually
entered through the door of the cafe, rather than just up through
the
floor. Good attention to detail.)
PIG: The people gather 'round
When he gets on the stand
Then when he plays
He gets a hand.
The rhythm he plays puts the cats in a trance
Nobody there.
Bob is through dancin' when he plays with the bass
guitar
They holler, "Oooh, beat me Daddy
Eight to the bar"
A-blink, a-blank.
(Weasel pops out of piano.)
WEASEL: (pop noise)...goes the weasel! (giggle)
(Lights up on Sam and Ollie, on a rooftop.)
SAM: Okay, boys, act alive and *jive!*
(Lights up on a rock band consisting of a hippie stork w/
dreadlocks,
love beads, and granny glasses, a porcupine on drums, and a rooster
w/
his crest teased into a fright wig.)
STORK: You ain't nothin' but a hound dog
Cryin' all the time
ROOSTER: Yeaaaaaah!
STORK: You ain't nothin' but a hound dog
Cryin' all the time.
(An alligator, also wearing love beads, appears at right carrying a
valise that says "Florida or Bust.")
Weeeeeeeell,
See you later, alligator.
GATOR: (spoken) Goin' uptown.
STORK: After a while, crocodile.
GATOR: (spoken) Movin' out.
STORK: See you later, alligator.
GATOR: (spoken) Feelin' good.
STORK: After a while, crocodile.
(An upper-level apartment twirls to reveal a flower child band, this
one
a stork and frog. The stork is wearing a daisy crown. They are in a
diner, w/ pots hanging all around.)
STORK: Get outta that kitchen and rattle those pots and pans!
VOICE: Coming up!
STORK: And roll my bread because I'm a hungry man.
VOICE: ????????????(says something else)
STORK: Let's shake, rattle and roll.
FROG: (in a very low bass) Yeeeeeeeeeah.
STORK: Let's shake, rattle, and roll.
FROG: Oh, ba-by.
STORK: Let's shake, rattle, and roll.
FROG: Yeeeeeeeeeah.
STORK: Let's shake, rattle, and roll.
(Diner twirls back around. A pair of storks on a motorcycle--yes, a
real
one--enters on the left side, balancing along a wall. The girl has a
guitar on her back. Even though this is only the 60's, they have
helmets.)
GUY: Yeah, twistin'.
GIRL: (spoken, effervescently) Twistin'!
GUY: New York.
GIRL: (spoken) New York!
GUY: And old Chicago town.
GIRL: Oooooooooh! (By now you should have guessed, she's a ditz.)
GUY: In Hartford.
GIRL: Hartford!
GUY: And Frisco.
GIRL: Frisco!!
BOTH: They all go round and round.
Up and down and around and around and around.
(Production number!! All characters in this scene come out again for
the
finale. There are multicolored lights and the music goes up 100
decibels.)
ALL: Joy to the world.
All the boys and girls.
Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea
Joy to you and me.
Joy to the world (Sing out!)
All the boys and girls
Joy to the fishes in the deep blue seeeeeea. (big
slowdown for
finish)
Joy
To you
And me!
(Sam does a little scat solo. Song finishes. The characters retreat.
Theater starts to turn.)
SAM: Yes, folks,
Yankee Doodle remembers when
To make these songs ring true
People came from every land
To mix these tunes for you.
So we should all remember
As hist'ry moves along
That everything is better now
'Cause someone knows the song.
(Blackout. Mirror ball on.)
SAM AND OLLIE: Yankee Doodle, sing it up
Oh, Yankee Doodle dandy
Mind the music and the words
And w/ the songs be handy.
("Yankee Doodle" continues in a splashy contemporary arrangement w/
lots
of brass.)
EPILOGUE
(Lights up and mirror ball off. We are back where we started, in the
same sleepy little park. One minor difference: there is a tiny zoo
on
the left hand side of the backdrop. I always thought this
practically
unnoticeable change was to symbolize the "progress" of the area.
Since
it's so small, though, it's more likely there just to give AS CM's a
reference so they can tell the unload theater from the load. Sam and
Ollie are in their little bandstand, in the same costumes as
before.)
SAM: (singing as music continues quietly behind him)
Yankee Doodle always says
The past is just a start.
Tomorrow will bring songs to you
That comes straight from the heart
Another thing he had to say
Was life is just a song
So everybody get in tune
And let's all sing along.
CHORUS: (At this point, a stereo effect was used, similar to the
Tiki
Room, to make it sound as if the audience were singing.)
Should auld acquaintance be
forgot
And never brought to mind
Should auld acquaintance be
forgot
And days of auld lang syne.
(Blackout. Spot up on weasel's house at top of bandstand.)
WEASEL: Goodbye goes the weasel! (giggle)
(House doors slam shut. House lights up immediately. The CM gives us
the
standard cheerful goodbye spiel as we exit into Tomorrowland, to an
upbeat rendition of "Stars and Stripes Forever.")
|
|