Funniest lines from the Jungle Cruise

[tnicnat]

Here are a few I found (please share - it's so funny)

1. Ladies and gentlemen, up here on the dock is our Boat Unloading Transfer Technician, Jerry. That's right, ladies and gentlemen, after 4 years at UCLA you too can come here to Disneyland and be a B.U.T.T. of the jungle!"

2. Rise Rise Rise like a lump of dough and exit the boat. I would have done better, but that was the YEAST I could do on the SOURDOUGH they pay me

3. If you enjoyed yourself, my name is Chris, and this is the Jungle Cruise. If you didn't, my name is Mike, and this is Captain Eo

[pixiedreams4ever]

I was on JC during Elnino,(spelling?) I can't remember the jokes, but the cm was very funny.

[PeoplemoverMatt]

"When exiting the boat, please watch your step, but don't step on your watch. That could tick you off. Of course that's just killing time..."

-- Peoplemover "I'd like to spiel JC 3 or 4 times in a row...by about trip #15 I'd have nothing left & would be horrendously unfunny, so unfunny I might be funny, that's not funny..." Matt

[linklewtt]

I like it when they make fun of that Egyptian writing on the wall of Aladdin's Restaurant (or whatever it's called now). Usually they say like "There's my email address in case you'd like to drop me a line"

"If you enjoyed this cruise, my name is Jason. If you didn't like the cruise, then my name is Tom and this is Rocket Rods." <-----OOO, cheap blow, burn!!!

[SilentMickey]

A few years ago I went on the JC and our Skipper looked like he had been on a few to many cruises that day and was just kinda going through the motions like "look the back of .....Aw forget it." (He didin't say this but I half Expected him to) Anyway, my friend had a talk boy thing and it had a rimshot effect an he would trigger it every time the Skipper would tell a joke. At first the Skipper was kinda mad but then started telling the jokes like he was doing a aiport lounge act. :biggrin: arter we got off he stoped my friend and I was like Uh-Oh but he just asked "Hey where can I get one of those" :biggrin:
"Hey, you've been a great audience don't for get to tip your waiter and watch your step as you exit the boat!"

[Xicalitlan21]

It's been a while, but in 1997 we got into JC and this really funny skipper started the ride with:

"Let's get ready to jungle!!!!!"
(like that announcer from the wrestling and boxing matches)

he also made sudden stops and teased the crowd about going backwards after we passed the area of the first elephant that is supossed to throw water at the guests; of course nothing happened, but details like these made it an experience beyond the average JC skipper.

About the spelling, pixiedreams4ever: maybe by "Elnino" you meant "El Ni?o"?

[Indy #1 Fan]

I like when you pass the Temple of the Forbidden Eye for Indiana Jones, the skipper says "Out on your right is the Indiana Jones Adventure: Temple of the Four-Hour Wait."

[barfownz]

i heard from the JC video from ru42 that the guy said " those zebra's are old! they are still in black and white"

[ZOOMBOOM0688]

I don't know if they always say this but when I was there...

"I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side
I would like to thank my fingers cuz I can always count on them
I would like to thank my feet..." ***I forgot the rest, SORRY***

[Lilleftygirl03]

We had a girl as our skipper one time and she was very fun! During the part where the tribal people were holding up their spears, she starting yelling out "Oh no! Duck! Duck!", all while blowing air into the speaker thing (to make it seem like the spears were actually flying at us) and going up and down pretty quickly at the same time. Afterwards, she turned around and faced us as if she was waiting for something (but I think she may have been short of breath for a moment) so I decided to start clapping and pretty soon the whole boat was clapping. She said something like, "Oh...thanks...you know, a pity clap is nice once in a while."

[Space Rangerlvl999]

I kept laughing so hard when i was little and i heard this.
I was watching the jungle cruise boats go by and he said "look at all the animals!" or something like that.
But i was laughing really hard for some reason.

[Little Beauty]

I don't know if they always say this but when I was there...

"I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side
I would like to thank my fingers cuz I can always count on them
I would like to thank my feet..." ***I forgot the rest, SORRY***

I don't know about the feet part but I have heard:
"I would like to thank my legs for always supporting me"
My current favorite, though is one our skipper said while we were getting off the boat:
"Now here's a joke for all you psychics!"

[DLRgoer]

I kept laughing so hard when i was little and i heard this.
I was watching the jungle cruise boats go by and he said "look at all the animals!" or something like that.
But i was laughing really hard for some reason.

I belive you mean when the skipper, right when leaving the dock, says, "Wave good-bye to all the beautiful people. Now wave to all the ugly ones!"

That's one of my favorites. Another is when they are passing the rhino and the men on the pole. The skipper says, "Hey! That's my friend there on the bottom. His name in A Hontas. It looks like the rhino is trying to Pocahontas!"

[DaynaTheDisneyDork]

Well...this is slightly having to do with jokes I guess. My friend and I just got off Indy and we were walking down the exit by the JC river and (even though the bushes are there...grrrr) there was an opening and the skipper that was hosting the boat, I knew. His name is Jason and we're buds. And he looked over as we walked past, recognuzing us, and said "OH! Look! Monkies!" And everyone laughed and I ran back up to where the boat was and yelled "HEY LOOK! A Jackass!" And he laughed and yelled back, "They don't live in the Jungle, Dayna!" I know, kinda out of character...but we both ment well. =D

[SurfedUpDane]

One time I was on the jungle cruise and the skipper said to, only so I could hear, "I hate this place." I never saw him again.

[linklewtt]

^^OMG why do you always have to ruin everything? it's so annoying. I'm gonna report you to Chris SurfedupDane cuz this is getting ridiculous. Try to join the party on the boards, not ruin it!

I like one of the oldest of 'em all: The sleeping zebra

[Masquerade]

I finded surfedupdane entertaining; he reminds me of Snape. I guess I just like dry, sarcastic stuff.

Anyways, I find the WHOLE Jungle Cruise to be the best part. All those cheesy parts. How can I choose? I would love to be a Jungle Cruise Guide Person Thing.

Dry, sarcastic, cheesy.. Wow, I'm easily ammused.

[damxcnsxcn]

well how was that for a once in a lifetime adventure? Fun? OOO great! i get to experience this once in a lifetime adventure every 15 minutes for five hours straight.
ahahah yea try that on for size.

One time the Skipper spoke in spanish for the first 5 minutes to throw eveyone off. and what was so funny was that you couldn't even understand him. he was talking so fast! i speak spanish and had a hard time understanding him. it was awesome.

[napoleon]

^^OMG why do you always have to ruin everything? it's so annoying. I'm gonna report you to Chris SurfedupDane cuz this is getting ridiculous. Try to join the party on the boards, not ruin it!

I like one of the oldest of 'em all: The sleeping zebra


You're ridiculous. Surfedupdane is not ruining the boards.

[DaddyB]

I heard a skipper once who pointed out the arches at the very beginning of the ride and said it was an ancient Cambodian Shriner attempt at a monorail.

[Chris]

^^OMG why do you always have to ruin everything? it's so annoying. I'm gonna report you to Chris SurfedupDane cuz this is getting ridiculous. Try to join the party on the boards, not ruin it!

I like one of the oldest of 'em all: The sleeping zebra

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[PeoplemoverMatt]

"On your left you'll see Ganesha. He's the only concrete evidence we have of elephants in the jungle."

-- Peoplemover "Ba-zing!" Matt

[Lion Sleeps Tonight]

When we came up to the 'mother-in law' elephant the skipper just screamed into the mic for a good 20 seconds. It was funny to other people.

One I've only heard once was a skipper singing the 'birthday song.' It goes like this:

"this is the birthday song. it isn't very long. in fact it's over."

[Ezra]

Please leave your valuables under the seat and exit to the right.

I'm like :icon_conf Did I hear that right? :icon_conf

[ryguy222]

Isn't "please leave your valuables under your seat" from a strong bad email?... it is its from theme park

[PeoplemoverMatt]

"Don't worry folks, it's only a monkey with a gun."
"*BANG!* *BANG!* Ok we're safe now, I got those two hippos in the trees."

-- PMM :cool:

[volcomnator999]

i went this past sunday...at around 7:20pm and there only 9 people on the boat...but the skipper was pretty funny...when we were getting of the boat he was like..." the boat unloaders will help u get out by the rear.....by the REAR of the boat that is..." and when i was walking away hes was like " oh by the way....if u want to look at something bizzare..just look right across the from here...ull see it" and i look and i started laughing cuz it was sign of the store "BAZZAR".....haha this guy...i think i wanna be a skipper now...i always come up with some weird funny stuff : - ) :biggrin:

[green_flash]

"Here we see the second most dangerous animal in the Jungle, the African Elephant...

And here we see the MOST dangerous animal in the Jungle... his mother-in-law."

[TimmyII]

One of my friends used to work on the Jungle Cruise and he said at times he would start off with the "wave goodbye" jokes and then say this: "How many of you have been on the cruise before? (people would raise hands)" Then he'd say, "Well, I've been on this cruise so many times that I don't even have to steer the boat!" And he'd stand next to or sometimes if there was enough room sit down next to guests and just talk the spiel while the boat ran it's course on the track!" THAT was funny!

[Rameshki]

When i went last our skipper was an aussie, and he was great! Every - i mean EVERY animal or human we came across he would say "This interstingthing about the [insert name of animal here] is that they can grow to 8 feet tall, and weigh up to 300 pounds, now isn't that interesting?"

Also when we came to the snake in the tree: "And here we have a snake ni the tree.... H-I-S-S-I-N-G"

He had great japes all along the ride and we adored it!

[imperpay]

All from the loading area, but not typically
all used on the same cruise:

"Sit closer together, folks. What you call personal space, we call room for four or five more."

"Slide on up to the front. The more you slide, the less I have to clean later."

"Please take the seatbelt from your left and snap it into the buckle on your right." [Everyone looks for non-existent seat belts.]

"Slide up closer. Closer. I won't bite. Closer. That's too close. Don't touch me."

"Okay, everyone lie down, and we'll start the second layer."

-Imp
---------------------
The Jungle Cruise seems fun... do they really get bored with it?

[Ratty12345]

When we passed by the lions and the daed zebra, our tour guide said: "It's the lions and they're protecting the sleeping zebra!" ;)

[Splash Mountain Man]

These are probably off but you get the point:

"That is one of the rarest tigers in the world. It can leap over 20 ft; But don't worry, we're only 15 ft. away."

"Watch your head and step on the way out, if you don't then watch your language, there are children around."

"Turn around and wave goodbye to the beautiful people at the dock... now wave at the ugly ones!"

"As we approach the docks please keep your hands arms feet and legs inside the boat, you might notice there is a dock on each side, that's what we call a Paradox."

That's all I can remember right now.


When we passed by the lions and the daed zebra, our tour guide said: "It's the lions and they're protecting the sleeping zebra!"

He must have been dead tired!

[Ezra]

Isn't "please leave your valuables under your seat" from a strong bad email?... it is its from theme park

Good catch! You guys know your stuff. I was actually thinking of this one:

"Make sure you've gathered up all your valuables and have your children with you. We're not allowed to keep your valuables, and we sure don't want your children!"

[Jewce]

hahaha, all of the ones I know have already been said. These are just toooo funny!

[chadb14]

We had a skipper say -
Please keep your children with you. If you leave them behind we'll take them over to Small World, nail there feet to the floor, and make them sing that horrible song over and over and over again.

[wheresmytiara?]

I heard these on sunday for the first time and they're my new favorites:

as we're getting on the boat: "Ladies and gentleman, you'll notice you're being helped into the boat by our local morons. They just keep putting more on, and more on..."

"Oh look, the natives are doing a chant, let me see if I can translate" he paused for the longest time! "Nope!" and then zooms off.

And I think somebody already mentioned the one about hippos in the trees...

[Mikokat]

"Look, the backside of the water!"

[iamsoccerboy]

My Favorite:
1. "As you exit the boat please watch your step and your head. If you should miss your step and hit your head, please watch your language."

2. "As we near the dock please remember to keep your hands and arms inside the boat. We wouldnt want to scratch the dock."

[suki]

Sometimes its VERY rare to get a funny skipper, but last weekend we actually had a funny one. I dont remember most of the stuff he said but i do remember he said this:

"So here ends our magical journey through the jungle...I just want to remind you kids to get a good job, don't do drugs, and uh...stay in school.............NOW GET OUT"

it doesn't seem that funny, but I found it funny just because of the way he said it :icon_lol:

[strivingstarlet]

I'm loving this thread. It seems like some of the funniest things are said right as you are embarking or disembarking. (Morons, get out, personal space, leave your valuables, watch your language, threats to put your kids in Small Word, etc)

I think the funniest cruise I ever experienced was right before closing- there weren't very many people on the boat, and perhaps this made the more skipper more likely to ham it up ... (?) He did a lot of singing - everything from the Lion King to boyband songs. That might have been the first time I remember a skipper stalling by the guys who pop out of the bushes and telling them to calm down and leave us alone and look for the next boat.


ps. Suki, I hear ya about the HMH coins. Luckily, I'm not a hardcore collector who cares about every little change like the backstamp and the like. I will be more than happy with the one complete set I plan to roll this weekend.

[garbagepixie]

"as you step out of the back of the boat, jim will hold on to you softly yet firmly in the rear" ::points to the back of the boat"

there were NO KIDS on this "tour". it was awesome.

oh and "my name is cupcake, and i'll be your hostess."

[astroZOMBIE]

I love this ride. Heres some of my favorites:

1) Here we see a rare species of butterfly know as "Plasticus Mechanicus"

2. On your right is Bertha the Elephant taking a bath in a waterful, Shes been bathing there... every day... for 50 ... magical ... years.

3)Now im going to take an uneccisary left....annnnddd an uneccisary right

4)*How could you all forget Trader Joe* He'll give you two of his heads for the price of yours!:tongue:

[PeoplemoverMatt]

^ That's Trader Sam. :smile:

-- PMM :cool:

[astroZOMBIE]

Hahaha i knew that....my bad..its been awhile

[tobydman]

this one is my all-time fave (where the lions are eating the zebra) "light meat, dark meat, light meat, dark meat.:

[Ezra]

In the 70's Mike Douglass (you may know him as the voice of Prince Charming in Cinderella) did his variety tv show from WDW for a week. When they went on the Jungle Cruise they showed the whole thing. The skipper was doing the standard, bare-bones spiel, which was funny... But Phyllis Diller was a guest! So the skipper would say his piece and then Phyllis Diller would tell these stories and do jokes themed to the jungle and laugh that horrendous laugh of hers! It was hysterical! I wish I could remember them. The only one I do remember is this: Phyllis Diller: :icon_excl ::edit:: :icon_excl On second though, times have changed and
it's probably not appropriate nowadays. :rolleyes:
Not for the public boards anyway...
It sure was funny though! :biggrin:

[The Not-Lit Meteor]

" Please exit to the dock on your right, if you are wet, then you exited on the wrong side"


I was cracking up the whole day. (I know it's not that funny, but I am easily entertained) :)

[Tink60]

My granddaughter still talks about her very first JC skipper. It was a woman and she had her hair braided into 2 braids (and it bright red). Everytime we came to something that was supposed to be suprising or scary those braids would curl up like pippie longstockings. My granddaughter was 6 and those braids just cracked her up. Every time we get on the JC, first thing the girl says is "Mammaw do you remember the lady with the braids". I wish that CM still worked the JC.

[skipperkyle'05]

I don't know if they always say this but when I was there...

"I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side
I would like to thank my fingers cuz I can always count on them
I would like to thank my feet..." ***I forgot the rest, SORRY***

My legs for always supportine me.
My arms for always being at my side.
And my fingers and my toes 'cuz I can always count on them.

[Spirit Mage]

When i went last our skipper was an aussie, and he was great! Every - i mean EVERY animal or human we came across he would say "This interstingthing about the [insert name of animal here] is that they can grow to 8 feet tall, and weigh up to 300 pounds, now isn't that interesting?"


This is my favorite too LOL. Only the way I heard it it was they could grow to 8 feet and 500 pounds, isn't that amazing!?

I loved when we got to the end. "And no [insert name] will help you off the boat. Intereting fact about [], he can grow to be 8 feet and 500 pounds! isn't that amazing?!"

LOL

[RageTreb]

I don't remember the exact line but,

"Here's [last name] Falls, named for the adventurer who discovered it, Dr. Falls."

[Harrison Hightower III]

At MK's JC you pass by Cambodia ruins the skipper said "And as you can see we are passing the old Monorail tracks"!!!
Once passing by the hippos he said "Man I think those guys are in over our heads"
The rest are from the JC que. THEY ARE HILARIOUS!!!

[adrianne]

I don't remember the exact line but,

"Here's [last name] Falls, named for the avdenturer who discovered it, Dr. Falls."

I think it's Schweitzer Falls....That's one of my favorite lines, too.

also "Duck! Duck! ...look, there's a duck!" and "the Backside of Water" :biggrin:

[mrhappybomb]

now I'm pretty sure every JC Skipper says this but I still think it's funnie

"Look the back side of water."

[waltspartner]

i know its lame... but my favorite one would have to be...

"over there on your right is the hibiscus see... and down there...i think...Yep! thats the low-biscus!"

I was young and almost died! Those were good jokes back then!

[RageTreb]

now I'm pretty sure every JC Skipper says this but I still think it's funnie

"Look the back side of water."
I've heard skippers lengthen that one.

"Now I'm going to show you something very rare, something that you'll never see anywhere else in the world-- that's right, the backside of water."

[Kileli]

i have a few, the first is when the boats are backed up at the dock

"now i would like to point out all the interesting plant life here....lets see, theres one, and one over there....oh! look at the green one on the right!"

when exiting:"please watch your step and your head...if you miss your step and hit your head, please watch your language"


when passing the two african elephants:"look! there is an african elephant! you will never see another one again!" a few seconds later "look! there is an african elephant! you will never see another one again!" or:"look! there is an african elephant! you can tell by there big ears.....and for those of you with short term memory loss, there is another one on your right"

and:"hi! i am your skipper, alligator wrestler, and, if you dont laugh at my jokes, your swimming instructor"

once, my brother got the seat right next to the skipper and she said to him "guess what? that is the special seat! know why?" my brother didnt know why "thats the ejection seat!"

[Neo]

LOL they dont use it anymore but it went something like this

Now up in front of us is the docks we like to call a pair-a-adocks. and the two skippers you see on the docks we like to call a pair-a-adorks.

LOL or

believe it or not but we were just breathing underwater.
LOL we just went under the water fall LOL

[chelsealela]

I've heard skippers lengthen that one.

"Now I'm going to show you something very rare, something that you'll never see anywhere else in the world-- that's right, the backside of water."

same thing but my skipper was like its the back side of a rock...she wasn't that funny...:icon_conf

[Neo]

I like the front side of rock

[DogsDogs]

My favorite is when the boat passes indi's exit area and the person says
and here is a new bred of animals that walk on there hind legs
I allways laugh so hard to any joke that i cant breath
people usually stare at me

[Spirit Mage]

I was there yesterday and the skipper of the boat used me as a joke (one already told, but I thought it was funny LOL).

"If you enjoyed this ride then once again, I'm Skipper James. And if you didn't enjoy this ride..." :: Leans over to me. "Excuse me, Ma'am, what's your name?"

"Kristen."

"Then I'm Skipper Kristen."

[Neo]

HAHA i love being personally made fun of LOL -wink wink- Kyle if you ever see me make sure you personally make fun of me LOL it gives me so much pride(now that i think of it thats kinda sad LOL) ohh well. LOL i like being the one everyone laughs at.

[Magic1]

I remember this from a recent trip...
Skipper: "Does anyone know the difference between the Anaconda and the Cobra?"
Smart little kid: "Anacondas are constrictors."
Skipper: "Nope. The Anaconda is made of fiberglass and the Cobra is made of plastic. Now up ahead..."
The little kid looked surprised for a second then smiled really big.

There used to be a part of the spiel that teased people for wearing yellow and looking like bananas, but I don't remember the whole thing. Anyone?

(Ezra - I know you posted it a while ago, but I'd love to hear the Phillis Diller JC joke via a PM if you can remember it.)

[csmarc34]

"Thank you for joining us on the jungle cruise, heres one final joke for all u psycics(sp?) out there" then silence

[Fantasmic05]

One of the funniest thing I herd was on a CoasterRadio.com podcast. A woman worked on the jungle cruise and theres video of her being the skipper and it's at WDW. and there's a plane crashed into the ground and she says, "this is how I landed this job, I took a crash course!" and then she says, "That's the plane truth."

[skipperkyle'05]

Smart little kid: "Anacondas are constrictors."


I a kid said that on my boat, I would have crapped myself.

[Magic1]

Smart little kid: "Anacondas are constrictors."I a kid said that on my boat, I would have crapped myself.
He had to have been around 8 years old and had a little trouble, lisping the big words! Quite the little smarty pants tho'! You could tell he understood the joke after a moment of confusion. A perfect set up for the joke - and cute too!

[Where'sYourLaughinPlace?]

We had a girl as our skipper one time and she was very fun! During the part where the tribal people were holding up their spears, she starting yelling out "Oh no! Duck! Duck!", all while blowing air into the speaker thing (to make it seem like the spears were actually flying at us) and going up and down pretty quickly at the same time. Afterwards, she turned around and faced us as if she was waiting for something (but I think she may have been short of breath for a moment) so I decided to start clapping and pretty soon the whole boat was clapping. She said something like, "Oh...thanks...you know, a pity clap is nice once in a while."

I had a female skipper do the same thing, she was pretty funny the entire cruise

[Major Disney Freak]

"If you enjoyed the trip, my name is Brandon and this was the Jungle Cruise. If you didn't enjoy the trip, my name is John and this was the Carousel of Progress!" This was actually at WDW, but it was still funny!

[BCC]

I'm glad you bumped this thread! I enjoyed every post! lol. Anyways, when I went on the JC, I couldn't hear our skipper but at the end, she mentioned a few jokes.

*At the indian place* " What are they saying? I'll find out!" *dances to the indians* "Nope no clue!"
"Thank you everyone! I love all of you! Now please get out!.... Wait... sorry... Get out."
"Man, this was fun! I think I'll go again!"

And a joke from the queue area,

"May I have your attention please???............................... ................Thank you"

IMHO, I think JC has the closest similarites to the WDW CM's. Because they always crack jokes... Well, from what I noticed.

[Kileli]

Last time I went on it this happened:
Skipper: Who believes the captain should go down with the ship?"
Me: I raise my hand, I was sitting right in front
Skipper: "What is your name?"
Me "Tyler"
Skipper: Welcome aboard, your new captain is Tyler!"

He used it again halfway through the cruise.

[BCC]

Haha, That is funny!

[Dragon003]

Skipper: "Parents get your cameras ready and kids pull out your autograph books, our suprise guest Tigger is here and eager to meet...Um nevermind that folks, it looks like Tigger did not have his morning coffe yet"

Nightime joke, same scene.

Skipper: "Ladies and gentlmen, boy and girls, if you look to your left you will see the glowing eyes of a bengal tiger, they can grow up to weigh 600 lbs. and leap 40 feet. batteries not included."

Skipper: "Awww as you can see this is were I parked my jeep yesterday, the darn thing wouldn't start but it looks like after the mechanics finished monkeying around with it they finaly got it to turn over."

Skipper: "Everyone say hello to Trader Sam. He's the head salesman in these parts. His business has been shrinking lately so he is currently offering a 2 for 1 special...(you guys know the rest) He's a really great guy, He and his wife invited me to come over this comming friday and all he has been saying to me this week is they cannot wait to have me for dinner."

Skipper: "Ok folks, the moment you all have been waiting for and traveled across the globe to see....the backside of water. As Pedro from the Tiki Room would say " I tink somebody left the chower running."

Skipper: "Ok folks please watch your step and head and exit to your right, If you get wet please exit to your other right."

[KitsunePilot80]

I had some fun with one of the skippers on the "Congo Queen" in 2003. He got bored with reusing the Indy joke I guess and I was standing with my mom and baby brother doing the swap bit and I was wearing those annoying blue feathery antennae you can buy in the park. At first he came by and made some joke about how I was a predator, hunting for my food and that my antennae were searching for dinner. He came back around again and continued with me by mentioning that my mom was protecting her young against the dangers of the jungle. This continued for a while until it was our turn to go on Indy :D

In 2005 I went with a friend and while waiting for Fantasmic! we got some dinner and hit POTC and JC before we went back to our saved spot. (I totally had a picture of our skipper too...I wonder if I can find it) He got us to the dock to get off and said "If you look across the way, you'll see something really Bazaar"

...I thought it was clever >>

Edit: Said Skipper - http://i73.photobucket.com/albums/i227/KitsunePhoto/Vacation/Disneyland/2005/Picture165.jpg

[predude]

i went on the JC one time last year it was pretty funny i had a female skipper and at the tribal dancers she said..your shoes are untied and they all looked down perfect timing of some sort props to her though

[DL_Fanatic]

i know for me my persanal favorite is where u pass the rhino where the guys are on the poll and they say see that guy on the bottom his name is juan and that rhino is about to get a hole in juan

[Nightlyre]

We once rode it at night, and had a very exuberant female skipper who kept us laughing the whole way through. The part I remember best was behind the waterfall... instead of the typical "backside of water" gag, she started flashing the lights quickly and humming the opening music to "Fantasmic!" We liked her so much that we tracked down a manager to compliment her.

[HoboDan]

as me and my friend were getting off the boat, the skipper made one final joke...


"Here is a joke for all you psychics out there..."

[crystaltink]

The part where you see the elephants

"Here you see an African Bull Elephant, the one of the rarest creatures living today....and....that's a Penguin!"

[DLO5]

I brought my video cam on it one time, and Skipper Nick (He's cool) was like... "There's a pirate on my here, everyone. You. Wanna know how I know how I know you're a pirate? You brought a "Canon"on my boat." At first, I was like, what? but then I realized it later and was laughing.

There was also a time near closing where the skipper was so bored he rarely said anything, but was just flipping the lights on and off and singing the star wars theme. It was actually quite funny.

My old time favorite is one where you see the rhino and the adventurers on the pole. The skipper said,
"WOW! WOULD YA LOOK AT THAT! INCREDIBLE! THERE MUST BE LIKE...a MILLION rocks on that beach! Amazing!"
I always laugh at that.

[Kileli]

I just remembered this one

(while passing the ambush)
"Oh no! natives! get down! we could be killed by the spears!
(everyone ducks, pause)
(yelling at the AA's)
"Come on! throw the spears!... were waiting....You guys are pathetic"
(we move on)

[Big Disney Fan]

(As the boat leaves the dock to start the ride) "And we're outta here... like a bad LA football team."

I also like how they comment on the back end of Schweitzer Falls (AKA the backside of water) as being THE reason people visit Disneyland.

(As you are about to leave the ride): I hope you enjoy the rest of your day at this place that we like to call... in sick as much as possible.

And who can forget the line where they threaten to take any children left in the JC boat over to Small World and bolt their feet to the floor of the SW boat and teach them how to sing that ridiculous song over and over and over and over again, in every language represented in the ride and then some.

Anyway, here's a link to a site that shows numerous JC jokes that you might hear on the ride: http://www.csua.berkeley.edu/~yoda/jungle.htm.

[TuesdayBear]

My favorite relates to a high school teacher of mine who always told us that his first job was as a JC skipper (which wasn't true, but we all went with it, anyway). He chaperoned Grad Nite one year, and was over in an Adventureland shop buying one of those toy guns for his son when he ran into some kids from his class. They corraled him onto JC, and the whole time, they kept bugging him to get up and take over for the skipper since he'd done the job before.

He wouldn't do it, but when they got to the hippo part, the skipper started in on the usual wiggling ears spiel, and my teacher jumped up before the skipper could get his gun out, pointed the toy gun at the hippos, and yelled, "Bang Bang!"

And the skipper didn't miss a beat and said something like, "Sometimes when you're in the jungle, you see people who have clearly been in the jungle too many times."

And, of course, this story got passed all around school. I think of that teacher every time I ride JC.

[Indy4evr]

I remember it was the cobra scene, and the skipper asked if anyone knew the species, and I said, "king cobra!" and he said, "no, plastic!" I got a little red after that, but it was funny.

[PeoplemoverMatt]

"Here's what you've all been waiting for folks - the FRONT SIDE OF ROCK!!! ...and there's the back side of water if anyone's interested in that... "

-- PMM :cool:

[Goofy2OR]

IN 2005 we were passing the exit for Indy and a small child was there and the skipper pointed and said "and one of the most fearsome beasts in the jungle, they latch on for 21 years and suck every penny out of you"

My 7 year old daughter leaned over to me and said "I don't get it"

My wife and I had a good chuckle over that...

[i_am_dory]

I absolutely love this thread! My personal fave has been mentioned, the "can grow up to 8 feet and can weigh over 300 lbs."

EDIT: OMG I CANT BELIEVE I FORGOT THIS ONE ITS MY ABSOLUTE FAVE!!

In Trader Sam Area
"Sam had me over for dinner the other night. I enjoyed it and said to him "Your wife sure does make a good chili" He said "Yeah, but I'm sure going to miss her."


this is the banana line that was asked about earlier "Now please, if you're wearing yellow, don't make any noises like a banana...it drives them ape!"


it seems like such a fun job!

[Where'sYourLaughinPlace?]

3. If you enjoyed yourself, my name is Chris, and this is the Jungle Cruise. If you didn't, my name is Mike, and this is Captain Eo

That is one of my favorite lines from the ride! I often use that line at work :biggrin:

During our most recent trip, we had this skipper who used the same joke at least three different times.... I laughed
"And here is a [insert animal name here], it can grow to [some number] hundered pounds, and can jump 30,000 feet.........when pushed from an airplane"

[WDITrent]

When i went last our skipper was an aussie, and he was great! Every - i mean EVERY animal or human we came across he would say "This interstingthing about the [insert name of animal here] is that they can grow to 8 feet tall, and weigh up to 300 pounds, now isn't that interesting?"

Also when we came to the snake in the tree: "And here we have a snake ni the tree.... H-I-S-S-I-N-G"

He had great japes all along the ride and we adored it!

I must have gotten that same skipper because that's exactly what happened when i went one time.

[adrianne]

My favorite (ok, I know it's lame) has always been:

"DUCK!!!
DUCK!!!!
Look...off to the left side -- a Duck!"
(as a mallard peacefully paddles by the boat)

[Mickey55]

One time on the jungle cruise at the dancing natives scene, the skipper said, "Oh look, the natives are doing a chant, let me see if I can translate.........We lost the bathroom key....". The skipper was talking so close to the mic that we could barely hear her over the static. At night, sometimes the skipper says at the beginning, "do any of you want to see danger?'', then he points his flashlight at a crate from the indiana jones line that says ''DANGER".

[mingz]

My favourite was " And the back side of water! Now, look at this lovely sand stone(referring to the rock on the other side). You people take it for granite. That was my sediment. That joke rocked!"