Favorite Disney Movie Joke [Archive]

Masquerade

09-18-2005, 09:32 PM

There was this hilarious pun in a Disney Channel movie I watched a long time ago. I don't remember what the movie was, and I don't remember how the pun went. I just remember laughing for like ten minutes... or four or something.
I guess this is kind of useless, then.

"No eating here tonight! No eating here tonight! No eating here tonight - you on a DIET!" - Finding Nemo

Stephen

09-18-2005, 11:57 PM

grr nemo!

ooh! I made up a pun! a nemo pun...

The only way they can put nemo in Tomorrowland and keep it "Tomorrow" is by making a remake of an older Disneyland attraction called "Captian nEmO"

captian nEmO, captian EO.

Stephen

09-18-2005, 11:58 PM

Peoplemover Matt rates that a class 1 pun!

anyways, one quick change to my sig and it's off to bed!
(don't worry, I'm not getting rid of my dancing milk!)

PeoplemoverMatt

09-19-2005, 12:23 AM

Peoplemover Matt rates that a class 1 pun!

No, PeoplemoverMatt doesn't consider that a pun at all, because, it's not really a pun...

-- Peoplemover "*Captain EO & the land of the Consonants* <-- that's a pun :cool: " Matt

Stephen

09-19-2005, 12:26 AM

Yes you said somthing about a *somthing* 1 pun! remember? that time?...

that_L_do_pig

09-19-2005, 06:10 AM

The whole 'Kuzco's poison' bit on Emperor's New Groove.

Masquerade

09-19-2005, 05:10 PM

that_L_do_pig

09-19-2005, 05:31 PM

Yzma: So, is everything ready for tonight?
Kronk: Oh, yeah. I thought we'd start off with soup and a light salad, and then see how we feel after that.
Yzma: Not the dinner. The "you know."
Kronk: Oh, right. The poison. The poison for Kuzco, the poison chosen especially to kill Kuzco, Kuzco's poison. That poison?
Yzma: Yes! That poison.
Kronk: Got you covered.
Yzma: Excellent. A few drops in his drink, and then I'll propose a toast, and he will be dead before dessert.
Kronk: Which is a real shame, because it's gonna be delicious.

from http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120917/quotes

Mikokat

03-22-2007, 04:52 PM

In Beauty adn the Beast where the Beast asks what to get Belle. Cogsworth replies:

"Well, there's the usual, flowers, chocolates, promises that you don't intend to keep."

phd516

03-22-2007, 05:02 PM

kairamoon

03-22-2007, 06:16 PM

I'm in hillbilly hell!

TopCat8

03-22-2007, 08:56 PM

^^ Yeah and with that you have to mention "You did what in a cup?!" That had me laughing out loud for so long.

mediartiste

03-31-2007, 11:20 PM

And Kronk's theme song! Too bad there aren't words for that.

I love it when Thumper quotes his father's speech on eating greens:
"'Eating greens is a special treat, It makes long ears and great big feet. But it sure is awful stuff to eat.' I made that last part up myself."
:D

Kileli

04-01-2007, 08:48 AM

Ok, I have alot of them that I like:

" He has his own theme music!?"-Kuzco

"Oh good! My dog found the chainsaw" Lilo

I can't quite remember this one, but it's close
"ick"
"WHAT!? you think after going through all this trouble, we would just let you go!?"
"ick"
(Pleakly)" Your letting him go!?"
"He is very pursuasive"

adrianne

04-01-2007, 11:20 AM

I love it when Thumper quotes his father's speech on eating greens:
"'Eating greens is a special treat, It makes long ears and great big feet. But it sure is awful stuff to eat.' I made that last part up myself."
:D
HOORAY FOR THUMPER!!!

Disneynovice

04-02-2007, 12:36 AM

^ Just reading that makes me think of ice cream (and all kinds of things that are "bad for me", but are SSOOOOOOOO yummy!!)LOL

lpetiti

04-02-2007, 12:50 PM

From Hercules:

(Meg sees Pain and Panic disgusied as a bunny and a gofer)

Meg: Awwww, how cute. A couple of rodents looking for a theme park.

dctrdez

04-02-2007, 02:53 PM

Who are you calling a rodent sister--I am a BUNNY!
*snort snort* And I'm his gopher!

Hades: You were supposed to persuade the river-god to join my cause and now you've left me sort-of river-god...less....

DESTROY HERCULES!!!!
Uh, guys......Olympus...would be that way.

Not you, we named the monkey Jack.

We're sorry....about that...mate....he's usually....a really....nice...guy!

Lightning McQueen!
*silence, with crickets*
Mack, in distant background: Free Bird!
My brother and I were the only ones cracking up in the theater.

lpetiti

04-03-2007, 12:55 PM

From the Emporer's New Groove, when Kuzco is introducing Yzma:

"Living proof that dinosaurs one roamed the earth"

dctrdez

04-04-2007, 01:32 AM

Finding Nemo:

Tank Gang: C'mon Peach!

Peach: That was the shortest red light I've ever seen!

Tank Gang: Alright! Yeah!

.......now what........

Stephen

04-06-2007, 05:58 PM

Finding Nemo:

Tank Gang: C'mon Peach!

Peach: That was the shortest red light I've ever seen!

Tank Gang: Alright! Yeah!

.......now what........

I think they should have scared the puffer fish, would have popped the bag, ;)

perfectpixie1990

05-05-2007, 04:11 PM

The Hunchback of Notre Dame:

Phoebus: Achilles, heel.

Cracks me up every time.

...and I can't believe no one has mentioned Genie yet, haha.

Major Disney Freak

05-05-2007, 04:53 PM

The Lion King
Simba: Uncle Scar, when I'm king, what'll that make you?
Scar: A monkey's uncle.

I don't know why, but I think that's still funny after watching the movie a million times.

Kileli

05-05-2007, 05:41 PM

"Lilo, why are you late?"
"It's sandwhich day!"
"what?"
*deep sigh*"every thursday I give pudge the fish a peanutbutter sandwhich, but we were out of peanutbutter, so I ask my sister what to give him instead and she said tuna! Do you know what tuna is?"
"fish...?"
"IT'S FISH!!!! If I gave pude tuna, I would be an abomination! I'm late cause I had to go to the store and buy peanutbutter cause all we have is, is, is stinkin' tuna!!!"
"Lilo, why is this so important to you?"
"pudge controls the waether. "

mhendrix

05-05-2007, 07:26 PM

I really liked the recent on-going gag in Meet The Robinson's and the Tom Selleck references.

Very funny.

PeoplemoverMatt

05-06-2007, 12:10 AM

The Lion King
Simba: Uncle Scar, when I'm king, what'll that make you?
Scar: A monkey's uncle.

I don't know why, but I think that's still funny after watching the movie a million times.

And acting it out a million times in the Animation Bldg... :wink:

-- PMM :cool:

Major Disney Freak

05-06-2007, 07:38 AM

^LOL! PMM, you're so weird!

PeoplemoverMatt

05-06-2007, 12:53 PM

^ You have no idea... :wink:

-- PMM :cool:

mrskellington

05-06-2007, 07:50 PM

I like the Lilo and Stich one best. I love that part!!!!

stitchhead28

05-07-2007, 12:58 AM

Towards the end of Finding Nemo when Darla enters the dentist's office by slamming the door open and we see that retainer face smile of hers while the infamous Psycho theme plays. I couldn't stop laughing after that!

- Always look on the bright side of life. SB

Major Disney Freak

05-07-2007, 11:38 AM

^DARLA! I like that joke too!

lpetiti

05-07-2007, 12:02 PM

The Hunchback of Notre Dame:

Phoebus: Achilles, heel.

Cracks me up every time.

...and I can't believe no one has mentioned Genie yet, haha.

Well, this ought to make you happy then, perfectpixie1990:
(from the Aladdin stage show) "I can't make anyone fall in love with anyone else. I tried that for Brittney Spears, apparently the magic only lasts 55 hrs."
(from the Aladdin movie): Never fails, you get in the bath and there's a rub of the lamp"

perfectpixie1990

05-08-2007, 10:47 AM

Yay lpetiti!

Genie is amazing.

;]

Ezra

05-08-2007, 12:57 PM

Dead Sea Tupperware :biggrin:

mrskellington

05-08-2007, 02:15 PM

^ Huh? I don't get it....lol

norcal1219

05-08-2007, 03:36 PM

^Its in the begining of Aladdin. The guy who introduces you to the lamp (voiced by Robin Williams) makes a joke about what he is selling. Although, I don't get it either. lol

stitchhead28

05-08-2007, 06:53 PM

^ I think he's trying to make a reference to the Dead Sea Scrolls. It was a little obscure, but I still laughed.

- Always look on the bright side of life. SB

DisneyFreak07

05-09-2007, 12:17 PM

Everything Kronk says is hilarious lol
But i love when they take the ride down to the secret lab and he yells
"Yzma, Put your hands in the air!!"
i say that on every ride now! lol

and i also crack up on Pirates...

Mullroy: You've seen a ship with black sails, that's crewed by the ****ed and captained by a man so evil that Hell itself spat him back out?
Murtogg: No.
Mullroy: No.
Murtogg: But I have seen a ship with black sails.

doasdreamersdo

06-12-2007, 12:11 AM

hahaha, I just came across this thread today, and it made me laugh cause I was quoteing The Emperor's New Groove at work earlier, with the lines...
Cow - "um...I've been turned into a cow...may I go home?"
Yzma - "yes you are excused, anyone else?"
Everyone else - "No, we're good" (something like that...they each say their own thing...)
hahahaha...this totally made my night!

Fantasmic!kid

06-13-2007, 06:28 AM

I can't quite remember this one, but it's close
"ick"
"WHAT!? you think after going through all this trouble, we would just let you go!?"
"ick"
(Pleakly)" Your letting him go!?"
"He is very pursuasive"

You are close:

Stitch: Hey, (speaks Alien language)!
Jumba: WHAT!!!! After all you put me through... you expect me to help you just like that; JUST LIKE THAT?!!!
Stitch: ih
Jumba: Fine
Pleakley: Fine?! You're doing what he says?
Jumba: Ah....he's very persuavive.

~:mickey:

lpetiti

06-21-2007, 09:17 PM

Okay, even though this is a DreamWorks movie and not Disney, this joke from Shrek 2 deserves recognition.

Shrek (when trying to contact Fairy Godmother): Donkey, think of the saddest thing that's ever happened to you.

Donkey: Oh man, where do I begin? Well, first there was the time a farmer tried to sell me for some magic beans, I ain't never got over that. Then there was the time that this dude went and had a party, then had all the guests try to pin tails on me. Then, they all got drunk and started beating me with a stick going, "Pinata! Pinata!", what is a pinata, anyway?

LOL, I think that is the best line in the movie.

kairamoon

06-21-2007, 09:47 PM

Can't forget the classic "Get 'er Done!"

SeguirAsentadoPorFavor

07-01-2007, 10:51 PM

Most of the funniest came from The Emperor's New Groove. What a genius movie.

"Scary beyond all reason" gets me every time.

SeguirAsentadoPorFavor

07-01-2007, 10:54 PM

(from the Aladdin stage show) "I can't make anyone fall in love with anyone else. I tried that for Brittney Spears, apparently the magic only lasts 55 hrs."

Hahahaha. I love the jokes in the show. There was a really funny one about the Lakers I forgot.

Can't forget the classic "Get 'er Done!"

Errr... Dont get me started about the fake, racist and stupid Larry the Cable Guy.

ah92us

07-01-2007, 11:38 PM

If your last name was Peppershaker, you'd be Sultan Peppershaker!

Nightlyre

07-02-2007, 11:55 AM

"Scared? I've gone way beyond scared! Right now, I'm somewhere between bedwetting and a near death experience!"

That line from "Muppet Treasure Island" gets me every time! I know it's Henson, but the Muppets are at least somewhat related to Disney...

kairamoon

07-02-2007, 12:02 PM

Errr... Dont get me started about the fake, racist and stupid Larry the Cable Guy.

Hey he's funny. I'm not going to fight about it but all of the redneck guys are funny.

lpetiti

07-05-2007, 06:18 PM

Hahahaha. I love the jokes in the show. There was a really funny one about the Lakers I forgot.

Actually, I believe the joke is "I can't bring people back from the dead, if I could, maybe I could help the Lakers out a little bit."

Davy Jones fan

08-03-2007, 06:12 AM

I have to many jokes to count so i'll name a few.

"Rule number 1: I can't kill anybody. (So don't ask)!! Rule Number 2: I can't make anyone fall in love. (Turns into giant lips to kiss Aladdin). You little pudum there! Rule Number 3: I can't bring anybody back from the dead. It's not a pretty picture. I DON'T LIKE DOING IT!!!!!!! Other then that, you got it".
- Genie from Aladdin

"Ah Ha Ha Ha!! I win". (Kronk opens a window that crushes Yzma behind it). "What are odds that trap door lead me out here"?
- Yzma and Kronk from The Emperor's New Groove

"I've got 24 hours to get rid of this bozo, or the plan that I have been scheming for 18 years goes up in smoke, and you are wearing HIS MERCHANDISE"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Just when you think Hades is about to take his wrath on Pain, Panic is in a corner drinking liquid from a Hercules style cup). "Thirsty"? (The scene switches to Hercules signing autographs and in the distance a big explosion is seen).
- Hades, Pain, and Panic from Hercules

These are a few of my favorite Disney jokes but trust me I have many more!

debijeanm

08-03-2007, 09:36 AM

Second vote for "promises you don't intend to keep."

In the non-animated category my vote is for National Treasure when Ben is putting on his cotton gloves to inspect the Silence Dogood letters and asking his father, "Where are the letters, Dad?" It's a visual joke and cracks me up every time.

monkey4057

03-23-2008, 10:15 AM

Some of the best jokes come from the gargoyles in Hunchback, including:

Laverne: (to Quasi) We always said you were the cute one.
Hugo: (Mouth full of food) I thought I was the cute one.
Laverne: No, you're the fat, stupid one with the big mouth!

Hugo: I'm gonna be spitting out feathers for weeks!
Victor: Well, that's what you get for sleeping with your mouth open
Hugo: Go scare a nun!

Laverne: This is not good!
Victor: It's hopeless!
Hugo: You're telling me! I'm losing to a bird!

(the gargoyles aren't going to say anything about Esmeralda's unknown whereabouts)
Quasimodo: Any sign of her?
(Victor starts shaking)
Victor: IT'S A LOST CAUSE! SHE COULD BE ANYWHERE! IN THE STOCKS, IN THE DUNGEONS! (starts crying)
Laverne: Nice work, Victor.

Esmeralda: Maybe Frollo's wrong about both of us.
Hugo: What did she say?
Laverne: Frollo's nose is long and he wears a truss.
Hugo: Ha! Pay up!
(Victor groans and tosses him a coin)

And of course, the best part in the entire movie:

Laverne: Fly, my pretties! Fly! Fly!
(The guards see the hundreds of birds flying in their direction and run off terrified)

basketbuddy101

03-23-2008, 12:49 PM

Here's my favorite:

Bubbles- Sharkbait!
Gill- Alright enough with the sharkbait already.
Bubbles- Sharkbai-boo-bah-bah-doo.
Gill- Alright Sharkbait's one of us now, agreed?

It always makes me laugh.

DrWholigan

03-24-2008, 02:15 PM

Yzma: *after turning into a cat* Is that my voice? Is that MY voice? ....Oh well.

How quickly she recovers is halarious. Emperor's New Groove is halarious

Edward: [threatening Robert with his sword] Have you any last words before I dispatch you?
Robert: You have got to be kidding me!
Edward: ...Strange words!

Giselle: Is that the only word you know? "No?"
Robert: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I mean, No!
Giselle: "No! No! No!" Over and over! When you keep saying "No!" it just makes me so... Sometimes you make me so!... angry.
[laughs really hard]
Giselle: I'm angry!

Giselle: Oh, it's you.
Edward: Yes, it's me. And you are?
Giselle: Giselle.
Edward: Oh, Giselle! We shall be married in the morning!

That last Enchanted quote cracks me up everytime.

mermaid_hair

03-25-2008, 07:55 AM

In "The Incredibles", there is a scene where Mr. Incredible is fighting the "round robot thing" (don't really know what to call it) in the volcano surrounded by lava. Mr. Incredible throws his back out, and he's basically crawling to get away, and the "round robot thing" grabs him and tries to torture stretch him, but it actually fixes his back, and Mr. Incredible laughs maniacally and destroys the robot.

No idea why, but I crack up every time I see that part. "The Incredibles" is one of the only few Disney movies that has me laughing throughout.

Also:

Syndrome: Oh, no. Elastigirl? You married Elastigirl? Ho, ho, ho...

(Sees the kids)

Oh - and got biz-zay! It's a whole family of supers! Looks like I hit the jackpot! Oh, this is just too good!

Mr. Incredible: No matter how many times you save the world, it always manages to get back in jeopardy again. Sometimes I just want it to stay saved! You know, for a little bit? I feel like the maid; I just cleaned up this mess! Can we keep it clean for... for ten minutes!

AraBrokenDreamer

03-27-2008, 08:28 PM

"Rule number 1: I can't kill anybody. (So don't ask)!! Rule Number 2: I can't make anyone fall in love. (Turns into giant lips to kiss Aladdin). You little pudum there! Rule Number 3: I can't bring anybody back from the dead. It's not a pretty picture. I DON'T LIKE DOING IT!!!!!!! Other then that, you got it".
- Genie from Aladdin

Kudos that! I'm not a fan of the live version, but I suffered through part of it to watch Genie's opening monologue.

"I can't bring anyone back from the dead... except Joan Rivers!" (musical)
"(after saving Al) Oh, Al. I'm gettin' kind of fond of you, kid. Not that I want to pick out curtains or anything." (film)
"Tonight the role of Al will be played by a tall, dark and sinister ugly man." (film)
"Jafar, Jafar, he's our man,if he can't do it... GREAT!"(film)
"Thanks, kid, you have no idea what's is like to be trapped in that little lamp for the last ten thousand years, 22 hours 53 seconds... I've missed every episode of Desperate Housewives!!"(musical)
"Hey, kid, I'm gonna ask you a question, be totally honest with me... Do I have lamp breath?" (breaths into's Al's face) (musical)
"Hakuna Matata! *poofs out of Puumba head* Whoa! I just had an out-of-movie experience!" (threequel)
"Hey, let's give a big hand for Brooke Shields!" (threequel) (that's a time-sensitive gag, but I laugh anyway)

He's a character of almost pure comedy, but what I find the most hilarious is a pure physical deal and it's not even a joke... After saying "other than that, you got it." He cringes with his hands over his face, waiting for his new master to begin the abuse of his magic, and for some reason I've always laughed at it.

-Ara

lpetiti

03-30-2008, 09:22 PM

Kudos that! I'm not a fan of the live version, but I suffered through part of it to watch Genie's opening monologue.

"I can't bring anyone back from the dead... except Joan Rivers!" (musical)
"(after saving Al) Oh, Al. I'm gettin' kind of fond of you, kid. Not that I want to pick out curtains or anything." (film)
"Tonight the role of Al will be played by a tall, dark and sinister ugly man." (film)
"Jafar, Jafar, he's our man,if he can't do it... GREAT!"(film)
"Thanks, kid, you have no idea what's is like to be trapped in that little lamp for the last ten thousand years, 22 hours 53 seconds... I've missed every episode of Desperate Housewives!!"(musical)
"Hey, kid, I'm gonna ask you a question, be totally honest with me... Do I have lamp breath?" (breaths into's Al's face) (musical)
""Hakuna Matata! *poofs out of Puumba head* Whoa! I just had an out-of-movie experience!" (threequel)
"Hey, let's give a big hand for Brooke Shields!" (threequel) (that's a time-sensitive gag, but I laugh anyway)

He's a character of almost pure comedy, but what I find the most hilarious is a pure physical deal and it's not even a joke... After saying "other than that, you got it." He cringes with his hands over his face, waiting for his new master to begin the abuse of his magic, and for some reason I've always laughed at it.

-Ara

"Let us not, dear friends forget our...lines. Let us not forget our lines."-Jack Sparrow/Johnny Depp

(Okay, I know that was an outtake, but still funny)

And my new personnal favorite,
Genie (to Jafar): I love your hat. It looks really good up close. Of course I really like it better from Jafar.
Pure genuis! Applause, Applause!

Lixiz

04-03-2008, 02:30 AM

One of my favorites has to be from Enchanted when Giselle and Morgan are out shopping.

Morgan: Remember not to put too much makeup or the boys may get the wrong idea. They are only after one thing.
Giselle: What's that?
Morgan: I don't know. They won't tell me.

I swear, when I heard/saw that in theatres I cracked up.

quinteros235

04-04-2008, 01:38 PM

My favorite joke from a Disney movie is probably in Toy Story 2 when Fake Buzz and group were traveling through the elevator shafts and it begins shaking.

Buzz: The walls are closing in! Quick! Prop up vegetable man or we're done for!
Potato Head: Hey! Put me down you moron!

LOL! I love it!

Also, Genie is pure comedic genius.
From Aladdin 3:
"My mommy always told me what magic is what magic does."

LOLOLOL! Too funny!

dncngrl79

04-14-2008, 09:54 PM

Zurg: Buzz, I am your father!
Buzz: Nooooooo....

Dory speaking whale. (I cried. It was literally painfully funny.)

Pumbaa: And, oh, the shame.
Timon: He was ashamed.
Pumbaa: Thought of changing my name.
Timon: Oh, what's in a name?
Pumbaa: And I got downhearted...
Timon: How did you feel?
Pumbaa: Every time that I--
Timon: Hey, Pumbaa, not in front of the kids.
Pumbaa: Oh, sorry.