What is your favorite joke in the jungle cruise?

[Jman9000]

I wanted to know what is everybodys favorite joke on the jungle crusie?

my favorite joke's is apart of the new prihanna's section "you know phiranna's are rather intellegent creatures, the other day I asked them whats four minus four they said nothing".:icon_lol:

And "and here it is folks at our right hand side our first sign of danger":icon_lol:

[WelcomeFoolishMortals999]

Honestly, I find all of the Jungle Cruise jokes really annoying. That's why I find most of the "skippers" at that attraction very annoying. I think it should have a greater feeling of exploration and adventure, and the attraction should be less humorous, comical, and light.

[Where'sYourLaughinPlace?]

Personally I find all the jokes on the ride hilarious. THat is just my sense of humor. I make jokes like those all the time. (You should have seen me when I went on HM this past trip. In the elevator room, the guy said "Please step into the DEAD center of the room...." I laughed for about 10 minutes straight. And periodically I would just think about it and start laughing. Although, for the rest of the group, the joke was only funny the first few times I re-told it in line) Seriously, all JC jokes rock!

[111702]

Here is a list of some of my fav jokes in Jungle Cruise!

"Hey folks, do you feel that mist? That mist is actually the main carrier for Jungle Fever!"

"If you look to your right, you can see the first 'sign' of 'DANGER!'"

"Also to your right is the Temple of the Forbidden Eye. You can see strange creatures gathering near the temple!"

"To your right is the elephant, Betha, who has been showering since early this morning! Look at all those wrinkles."

"Here to your left, folks, is an African Bull Elephant! And for those of you with short-term memory loss, to your right is an African Bull Elephant!"

"Aaw, isn't that cute? Those tigers are defending that poor helpless zebra! And look, he' sleeping!"

"Don't worry folks, hippos only attack when they start blowing bubbles nd wiggle their ears!" (Which they do!)

"And here we have the local arts and crafts experts, the head-hunters!"

"I'll try and find out what hey're saying! [pause] Nope, didn't understand a thing!"

"OH NO FOLKS! The tribe is angry at us! Duck! Duck! Duck! PEW! PEW! PEW! Did you hear that noise? Those were spears!"

"And now we're going to go underwater! [goes under the waterfall] See? I told you we were going under water, so if you look to your left, you can see the 'back-side of water'! Now if you turn around and tilt your head, that' the 'side of water'!"

"Personally, I have no idea why the natives painted pictures of goldfish on the rocks."

"Aaw, look at all of the cute goldfish! They want you to pet them! Go on folks, I know for a fact that goldfish don't bite!"

"Coming up are two docks. We like to call that, a paradox (pair o' docks)!"

"You were my FAVORITE group!"

"And now, I'm sad to say, it's time to get out. No seriously, get out of my boat, now!"

[HiddenMickey]

All the jokes are great, but I particularly liked when I went on BTMR (off-topic I know) and right as the train pulled back in the station, I guess the CMs were talking about personal stuff. One CM got on the intercom and said, "<insert name here> This is a place of business, not a personal dating service!" Everyone was laughing!

[TopCat8]

My favorite Jungle Cruise Joke goes like this. As your boat goes past the exit of IJA, the skipper tells the boat that IJA is the world's best bathroom.
"Did you like it?"
"Did everything come out all right?"
The exiting people had no idea why our boat was laughing at them. That's what made it so funny. I've only heard that joke once, but it had me laughing for the rest of the day

[Space Mountain Mike]

My favorite is once when we got to the end the skipper said "and now, for the most dangerous animal in the world: man!"

[brunetteTinkerbell1955]

i like when he says "Oh look pretty goldfish!" lol


then this was so cool, ok hear this story, when we went on JC we went on the boat and the skipper ask us "Where are you all from?" our family said Yuma AZ, then he said "Are you guys criminals or Kings?" (those are the mascots for the two high schools in yuma and those two high schools love fighting and think they are the best and of coarse the criminals are lol, our city is like devided in half, yuma criminals and kofa kings, ok anyways..) we said we are criminals then he said "Ok then, if you were all kings i would have to throw you out the boat!"

it was cool because Yuma AZ is such a small city compared to CA cities and he is in Anaheim 5 hrs from yuma, it was cool! *thumbs up*

[disneylandchick7]

where do i start? i love a lot of them. here are some:

"This is the (name of animal). it grows up to 5000 lbs. and jumps up to 25 ft. isnt that amazing? yup! (this is funny when said for most animals but only a couple skippers use it a lot.)
"And now if u look to ur left, is Indiana Jones and the Temple of the Four Hour Line."
"aaawwww.... look at the pretty lions protecting the cute little zebra, and oh look, its sleeping!!"
And if u look to ur right the tribe is doing a dance for you. lets see if i can interpret...... it sounds like 'you put your left foot in you put your left foot out...'"

[stitchhead28]

Here are just some of my favorite jokes...

"Ahhh, lean out and feel that warm tropical mist. NO WAIT!!! Those are the monkeys!"

"These bamboo poles are known to grow over 4 stories, there are also some less and some more, but that's a whole other story."

" Here is our good friend Trader Sam. He has a great deal today, two of his heads for one of yours. Trader Sam had a dinner party the other day and I was invited. He served baby back ribs, finger sandwiches, open face sandwiches, and pea soup. I said his wife makes some great food. Then he said 'yes, she will be missed'."

[Little Beauty]

Ok, here's my favorite, heard as we were all getting off...

'Here's a joke for all you psychics!' (long pause, then someone getting off said, 'well, what is it?' I thought that was even funnier!)

[laurens88]

where do i start? i love a lot of them. here are some:

"This is the (name of animal). it grows up to 5000 lbs. and jumps up to 25 ft. isnt that amazing? yup! (this is funny when said for most animals but only a couple skippers use it a lot.)
"And now if u look to ur left, is Indiana Jones and the Temple of the Four Hour Line."
"aaawwww.... look at the pretty lions protecting the cute little zebra, and oh look, its sleeping!!"
And if u look to ur right the tribe is doing a dance for you. lets see if i can interpret...... it sounds like 'you put your left foot in you put your left foot out...'"

HAHAHAHA!! :biggrin: Only been to DLRP, so don't know this ride, but that sounds funny! :p

[HollandBrynn1104]

During the phiranna part... our last skipper said,

"Over here on the left are man-eating phirannas!! Ahh! And look, over on the right, those are WOMAN-eating phirannas!"

[RankoAnime]

Some of the jokes are just so incredibly lame and corny that I have to laugh at them! I was probably the only person on our boat giggling at the skipper's jokes. I've heard a lot of really good jokes though, but I can't remember any of them offhand.

[PeoplemoverMatt]

I had one skipper who at the end say "if you enjoyed yourself that's great, if you didn't there's my email address" and he shown the light on the Arabic-looking letters on the side of Aladdin's Oasis. Never saw anyone do that again.

-- Peoplemover "If you read this signature you will see... that's right! Absolutely nothing! :biggrin: " Matt

[Where'sYourLaughinPlace?]

Actually, if you watch the jungle cruise video on the site, the skipper says something like "If you liked this tour my name is Mark and this is the jungle cruise, if not my name is amy and this is star tours"....Something like that, but it was pretty funny.

[bquick]

My favorite joke is when we were passing Indiana Jones looking at all the people throught the bushes. The skipper said "Now people watch out for the little mammals over to your right. They are known to clamp onto adults legs feeding off them for a period of 18-21 years" That was classic.

[Masquerade]

"Look over there!"
-points to the hyenas-
"That one is Ena; everyone say, 'Hi, Ena!'"

I haven't been on the ride since like 4th grade, and that's the only joke I remember. I thought it was funny, though.

I love the Jungle Cruise... Actually, I love all cheesy things. If you ever go to Magic Mountain, watch "Hot Ice" that show is hilarious!

-remembers the Windows Media Player backround in the backround and one guy's obsessive finger pointing and all the terrible songs that they thought were cool-

[ShrunkenNed]

On a nighttime cruise at the beginning:
"Hello everybody and welcome to the Jungle Cruise! My name is Jim Johnson, but everybody around here just calls me Vicky."

[RankoAnime]

Actually, if you watch the jungle cruise video on the site, the skipper says something like "If you liked this tour my name is Mark and this is the jungle cruise, if not my name is amy and this is star tours"....Something like that, but it was pretty funny.

Oh, the video on this site has some really hilarious jokes! I've had a lot of skippers do the name thing before ("if you didn't like this tour, my name is ... from ..."), but I find it funny every time. I liked how the skipper in the video said "(Name of animal) can jump 50 feet. The only animal in the jungle that can do that!" about every animal they came across. That was just too funny!

[PeoplemoverMatt]

^ Just to clarify, I wasn't talking about the generic name joke.

-- Peoplemover "If you didn't like this post, this is MouseChat & my name is Al Lutz :smile: " Matt

[ToWeRoFtErRoR]

...ok this joke isnt about nething for the ride but our skipper told a funny joke..."There were three muffins sitting in the oven....one muffin said to the other muffin...omg its hott in here...and then the other muffin said...Ohh my gosh a talking muffin!" its was hilarious!

[Lion Sleeps Tonight]

I do enjoy the jokes- as corny and recycled as they are- if the skipper is into it. Sometimes the jokes are really dry and skipper isn't even trying. That hurts. Here are some from my most recent trip.

I like the one where the skipper was pointing to the "mother-in law" elephant and just screamed into the mike for a while.

Another is when he was pointing(just pointing without saying anything) out the various native plants of the jungle.

And of course the birthday song. "This is the birthday song. It isn't very long. In fact it's over." Goes something like that.

[AaronVenn]

My favourite was when that older man said
" Hey there Rainy Face, turn that frown upside down this ain't no peepshow"

[debijeanm]

They don't do my favorite joke anymore.

"And now, ladies and gentlemen, the most dangerous part of your journey: the Los Angeles freeway system."

[Mr. Fusion]

They can't do some of my favorite jokes anymore, mainly because they're enforcing the "Approved Jokes Only" rule. There's still plenty of other good ones to use.


Look! Little kids! I love kids! A little mustard, a little barbecue sauce...[chuckles at parents] Oh I'm just kidding, I don't like mustard all that much.
Annnnnd we're out of here like a bad LA football team.
You know, the Bengal Tiger can jump over ten thousand feet...once.
(Ancient Shrine) This was the Walt Disney Company's first attempt at a monorail system.
On our left is Ganesha, the elephant god, who guards the entrance of the sacred bathing pool of the elephants. On the right...that's Bob. He's a brass monkey. That funky monkey.

[Figfriend]

One of my favorite jokes took place late at night on the JC. We were on during Fantasmic! because we had seen it the previous night, and there weren't a lot of people on the boat.

The skipper did the spiel pretty much normally until we came to the "backside of water." Instead, of saying this, he instead said "And now ladies and gentlemen, the moment you've all been waiting for... private seating to Fantasmic!" He took his flashlight and waved it on the water, and started humming the Fantasmic! theme. It was so cool, but I've only seen it once.

On our last trip, we had a pretty funny female skipper too. She pointed to plants and said "Look there's plants all around us... one over there... ooh there's one... look a hibiscus and a lowbiscus!" :p

[Ezra]

Here's one I like: As you prepare to exit the boat please gather your belongings and have your children with you. We're not allowed to keep your belongings and we sure don't want your children!

[mrskellington]

I like this one......
( EXITING THE BOAT )
Folks, please take your kids with you! Two tours ago, I found a kid and had to take hium to It's A Small World and glue his feet to the floor, and gave him a chorus book........unless if you're planning on riding Small World, please take your kids with you!

[sp 4449]

heres my favorites:

Hello folks welcome aboard the leeky teeky I'm Less Capable and I'll be your strip...a skiper.

well theres an interesting type of monkey(skiper waves at people in line for indy and people wave back) monkey see monkey do.

[PumpkinKing8788]

Ok, it was tough to pick a joke that you guys haven't said already, but the one joke that I'll never forget was one made at the end of ride just as you past Trader Sam or whatever you like to call him, but anyway the guy was all... "If you have any questions relating to the Jungle Cruise or Disneyland, you can write to us at this web address"...(The funny part was that he showed some kinda foreign language on the building you pass by on your right to go back in the loading dock.)

[Mickeysgirl]

omgosh i really love all of the jokes, i cant stop laughing at them all... but i found one thing really hilarious..the last time i was at DL i rode JC and as we were by the monkeys we saw a man either past out or something by one of the bushes and the skipper was all.."look everyone the monkeys developed some kind of disease and evolved into a disgusting creature...sheild your eyes!" i thought this was amazing because is was so spontaneous, he hadnt had anything written down or something that would give him the idea to say something like that, but he kept the Disney touch alive and made a joke about the whole thing...i just love those skippers

[pirategurl]

"If you enjoyed your trip my name is ______ and this is the Jungle Cruise, if you didn't then my name is _________ and this is _______.

It is really funny if it is a guy and he says a girls name, visversa.

passing by the monkey statue near Indy "Hey everyone this is Bob. He's my idol. Everyone say hi Bob!

passing by dancing natives. "Ok everyone I'm gonna translate this, hmmmmm put your left foot in, put your left foot out? Just sounds like some hokey pokey to me.

[wwe_wordlife619]

I like all of these jokes that all of u have posted. Another one i like is like "Here is one of the seven wonders of the world.....(passing behind the waterfall) the backside of water."

[kairamoon]

How about when passing by the zebras and he's all "these creatures are very old... They're still in black and white!"

[Rinith]

"if you look to your right there's some stuff"
From WDW version "all our plants are a very rare breed.....plastic"
My favorite one is from the video though, as the piranahs begin to appear "they have picked up your sympathetic vibrations and are begining to materilize" I just love when people make HM references.

[Tell_No_Tales]

Here's the 2nd most feared animal in the jungle, the african bull elephant. The most feared is its mother-in-law.

Where are you from? (person replies)
I'm sorry. (person replies again)
I heard you the first time, I'm just sorry.

[kairamoon]

I like on the video when he asks what country a family is from and they say the U.K. and he says tha they speak English very well haha